Finding Your Own Path

Motherhood. There are all shapes and sizes of it today. Working moms, stay at home moms, in between moms, public/private school moms, homeschool moms, single moms, the moms with awesome husbands, the moms with less than awesome husbands, and organic moms are only a part of the spectrum of moms. Of course we can’t be described by one word, but sometimes our differences become barriers, and they shouldn’t. We are on the same team. Although our paths are different, what we all have in common is love. There is no doubt the love we feel for our children provides common ground to stand on. With so many different roads to take though, it’s easy to foster a heart of judgement instead of a heart of compassion. I know I struggle with this at times, but judgement poisons. It will turn a needed word of encouragement and understanding into an unsolicited nugget of advice. A knowing smile can become an annoyed sneer if we don’t remind ourselves that we don’t know the walk of another. We don’t know the battle that may be waging in her heart or the brokenness hidden behind her stylish clothes….perfect hair…..and adorably clothed kids. I want to encourage moms to seek common ground, while forging their own way that uniquely follows the leading of their heart. It’s hard with all of the noise in our world to keep a quiet heart and listen to the nudges of the Holy Spirit, but that’s everything when it comes to finding peace during the messy days of raising kids.

“Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105

Not every mom gets to choose how she balances work and kids. There are circumstances in life that make that choice for her, and I feel for those women who truly wish to be at home with their sweethearts but cannot. Those who do have options, may find it challenging to know what the right balance is. For me it seemed like an easy decision to become a stay at home mom, but had circumstances been different, maybe it wouldn’t have been. Now that both of our kids are in school, I work during the hours they are gone. I regret nothing about this path, and it may sound ideal, but it certainly wasn’t easy. One of the least favorite things other moms would say to me after learning that I was primarily at home with our kids was that they were not the 'stay at home type'. I’m still not sure what that meant exactly, but it cut each time I heard it. It seemed to imply that I was less motivated, simple, boring, and that my appetite for fulfillment was more easily satisfied than theirs. Little did they know how deep I had to dig every day and how much I had to let go of to find fulfillment, and many days, maybe even months, I didn’t find it at all. I know I’m not alone in this experience. Nothing in my life has pushed me into the arms of Jesus as much as motherhood, particularly the staying at home part. With a tank that was constantly drained, I became aware of an unmet hunger for purpose, identity, wisdom, patience and grace that nothing in the world could fill. If it weren’t for stepping back from my career, and what the world defines as success, I may have never been so vividly confronted by my needs, which allowed me to realize my undeniable dependence upon God. Working or not working, it’s a daily decision to recognize the only true source of fulfillment and to deny the glittery paths that offer a cheap imitation.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.

I was listening to a sermon by Alistair Begg of Truth for Life recently, and he said “If dependence on God is the objective of Christian life, then weakness is an advantage.” Oh thank goodness, because what mom doesn’t need to hear that? We so often try to be stronger, more patient, more organized, more productive…..thinking if we could just be more, then we would be satisfied…content…worthy. Right? What we really need to be is surrendering to His grace, thanking him for the precious ones he has put in our care, and acknowledging that our shortcomings are an avenue for His intersession. Contentment in motherhood is like chasing the wind. It will always remain allusive if we look out instead of up. Peace and contentment come from knowing that there is someone…something, that wraps our children and ourselves in a perfect love that is beyond comprehension. When we lose our temper and say things we regret, or just have an overall attitude of frustration and distraction, He can mend the wounds our tongues have caused, fill the cracks of brokenness we create, and actually work those hurts for good in the lives of our children. Goodness it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. He can actually make good come out of our screw-ups, our lost tempers and our idleness. That is some amazing grace.

So here’s to all you mamas, digging deep, bravely, creatively and resourcefully finding your way. That inner voice you have has never been more important than it is now, as you make decisions for your little, or not so little, sweethearts. Our children’s childhood is a short season, so if you have a choice, I encourage you not to just follow the stream of what it appears other moms are doing. Swim upstream if that is where you feel led, or get out of the stream all together. Don’t measure your success or value by the world’s scale. Create your own definition of what ‘having it all’ means. You may just find that having it all actually means having less, doing less, and being more present, allowing yourself to become everything to someone else. Help for navigating motherhood won’t be found in a book like Lean In, but it will be found by leaning on Jesus.

I can’t write about mothers and not share the gratitude I have for my own wonderful mom, Linda. I am so thankful that she was able to follow a path that led her home to raise my brother, sister, and I. It’s a priceless element of my childhood. I am forever grateful for the example she set for us by putting the needs of her children ahead of her own. It’s not that I have lots of memories of playing together, (I know we did mom, sorry they don’t stand out to me) or having her undivided attention (mom, I’m sure I had plenty of that too, thanks) it was having her presence that stands out to me. When I needed her, she was there. Running around barefoot, I stepped on a lot of bees growing up, and every time I came in crying from a painful sting she was there. The routine of removing the stinger and applying a special mixture of baking soda and water with an ice pack was almost as comforting as she was. I also seemed to get a lot of eyelashes in my eyes too. Each time I’d have that sharp pain I’d squint my way to where she was so it could be gently removed. And as I grew up a little, and a stinging heart was my hurt instead of a stinging foot or eye, she was there when I got off the school bus to notice my pain. Her ironing, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, cross-stitching, ceramic painting, and visiting with friends made up the fabric of our home. It’s funny that I distinctly remember how much I liked sitting on her lap, listening to her voice through her chest as she talked on the phone. The sweetest moments weren’t necessarily about doing things together, they were simply about being together. Being in tow as she cleaned houses was fun because I got to watch someone else’s TV. I understand now why she worked in our elementary school cafeteria. Not a glamorous position, but it allowed her to be home before and after school. It wasn’t until I, her youngest, began 6th grade that she started working full time again. Even then she took advantage of flex time to be home by late afternoon. Thank you mom, for showing us what having it all looked like to you. I love you!